Short Thoughts

Friendly Skies

This past Wednesday, I was given the opportunity to go to California to deliver an investment pitch for my company, Jerk.com. The only problem was that I had two exams on Tuesday that ended around 5:00pm, and tickets to see the Boston Pops at Mohegan Sun with my family Thursday evening (we had planned it as kind of a big Christmas celebratory “thing”). Some would say the plans were irreconcilable. But not I.

No, I embarked on a journey that many would say was insane: California and back, in under 30 hours. This is my story.

Prologue

The story actually began about a month ago, when the pitch was scheduled: 16 December, 10:30am, in Alamo, CA (outside of San Francisco). At that point, however, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to make the trip because of my preexisting plans, so I didn’t end up purchasing my tickets until less than a week before the trip.

On the morning of 10 December, my boss PayPal’d me $400 for airfare, and I booked the only relatively inexpensive flight that would get me there in time: a $335 fare on United Airlines. The trip would depart from PVD at 7:33pm, layover at IAD from 9:06pm to 10:00pm, and arrive at SFO the next morning at 12:56am. On the return, I would depart SFO at 8:36pm that night, layover at LAS from 10:11pm to 11:32pm, layover the next day at ORD from 5:10am to 7:59am, and finally return to PVD at 11:05am. To summarize: I’d leave Providence Tuesday night, and return Thursday morning, all without having a chance to sleep except on the plane.

• PVD – IAD: Tuesday, 7:33pm to 9:06pm
• IAD – SFO: Tuesday, 10:00pm to Wednesday, 12:56am

• SFO – LAS: Wednesday, 8:36pm to 10:11pm
• LAS – ORD: Wednesday, 11:32pm to Thursday, 5:10am
• ORD – PVD: Thursday, 7:59am to 11:05am

The Journey to California

I had been warned in advance that United Airlines wouldn’t be the most reliable airline on which to travel. However, given that they had the only flights available that worked with my timeframe and weren’t more than $500, I booked and crossed my fingers.

I arrived at TF Green the requisite hour before my flight, and seeing that the entire airport was dead, decided to lounge around in the terminal for a bit before going through security. It’s a good thing I did: about 15 minutes later, my flight to Dulles was cancelled. The given reason was mechanical repair, but most people I talked to (not affiliated with United) seemed pretty confident that there probably weren’t enough passengers to make the flight worthwhile. Great, now what?

After some frantic Kayaking and a little bit of help from my good friend and airplane fanatic Dan Webb, I talked with the United booking agent at the desk (the nice one, not the grumpy one — they always come in pairs), and I was booked on a direct flight the next morning from BOS to SFO at 6:00am, the absolute “best” United could do. Joy. Back to my house for an hour or two of sleep, then on the road again at 3:30am to Logan.

The airline redeemed themselves slightly in my eyes with the check-in procedure: the fact that my itinerary had changed prevented me from using the self check-in kiosk, but a booking agent punched a couple of keys and printed all of my boarding passes for the entire trip, and I was done checking in in less than 45 seconds. I then spent the next 45 minutes or so enjoying donuts and beverages at the in-terminal Dunkin’ Donuts with my dad, in order to emphasize my true New England heritage.

Incidentally, on the way into the terminal from the parking garage, we were greeted at the elevators by the sounds of waves, buoys, and shrieking birds that I swear I’ve never heard in my life. As the elevator opened, it played a majestic little fanfare, as if we were entering a world of limitless possibilities. Apparently the soundtrack was Sounds of New England. It was pretty damn unnerving at 4:30am, just saying.

As I was going through security, I spotted something that I thought I absolutely must mention as part of an ongoing worldwide fashion campaign: Tights Are Not Pants. I witnessed what I believe to be the first ever pair of jean tights: they were denim-colored, with pockets on the back, but they were distinctly tights. Very disturbing.

I boarded my plane, which both departed and landed dead on time. The takeoff over Boston was gorgeous, as the sun was just beginning to rise.

During the trip, not only was I able to partake of some beautiful vistas…

… but I was also able to partake of the smallest box of raisins known to mankind (which I had to pay for).

It certainly was a flight to remember.

Getting to the Meeting

There is one major benefit to flying at the expense of a decently-sized company: access to an expense account at a worldwide limousine service. My town car from Commonwealth Limo met me at the Domestic Arrivals baggage claim, which makes perfect sense. Unfortunately, for reasons unbeknownst to me, United decided to land my flight in the International terminal instead of the Domestic terminal, so it took me a little while to find my way around the airport. By the time I met up with my driver, Nathan, it was 10:18am; I had a 10:30am meeting, 40 minutes away.

Luckily (sort of?), my boss’s flight was also delayed, so we called the venture capital firm and they graciously allowed us to push the meeting back until 11am. With a tiny bit of speeding across the (foggy) Bay Bridge, we all made it to the meeting on time.

The pitch itself was relatively low-key, and wasn’t the best I’ve ever given, but it wasn’t the worst either. The details of the meeting, of course, I probably oughtn’t disclose, so we’ll leave it at that.

Wasting Time in Menlo Park

After our first meeting, I joined my boss and a couple of other people on the project in their car, and proceeded on to Menlo Park, where they had scheduled a second meeting. I wasn’t included on this particular project, so I stayed with Jeffrey (the driver of their car), and explored the area a little bit.

Such exploration included a trip to “Jeffrey’s” (no relation), a burger joint near Stanford. I’ve gotta’ admit, it was pretty good, though I wouldn’t call it the best (as Jeffrey assured me it would be). Oh well, c’est la vie; the garlic fries were tasty, though.

After the excursion, we had about 15 minutes before the meeting adjourned, so Jeffrey brought me to an adjoining fancy-shmancy hotel (whose name, for security reasons, I will omit), and suggested I just take a walk around, check the place out. I stumbled into a downstairs lobby near the business center, at which point Beth called me to tell me about a terrific Christmas gift she had found. I was barely on the phone two minutes when three people turned the corner and walked past me. It took me a few moments to identify them as Bill and Melinda Gates, and Warren Buffett. Yeah, that was the high point of the trip.

After the meeting, I mentioned this to my boss, and he promptly suggested we return to the hotel and try to present our pitch to Bill Gates. Upon some inspection, he discovered that the number of famous people at that hotel at that moment was far higher than previously imagined. More interesting, however, was the fact that apparently I had caused a mini security crisis with my close proximity to the trio: the business center was now closed, and lined with Secret Service-affiliated security guards. Correction: the high point of my trip was causing a security crisis for Bill Gates’s bodyguards.

After our failed hotel endeavor, the four of us met with someone else for reasons which shall also remain confidential, and proceeded on to dinner at San Francisco’s “Il Fornaio.” It was there that I had perhaps the best bolognese of my life; I also appreciated the fact that the table was garnished with a bread dip composed only of olive oil and balsamic vinegar (my personal recipe of choice).

Then it was back to the airport.

Returning Home

The journey home went much as expected: three short flights, split up by layovers in Las Vegas and Chicago. Breakfast consisted of Ice Breakers Sours gum, and hash browns from McDonald’s. The one real surprise of the trip was the last leg, ORD – PVD: I wasn’t particularly excited for the journey, because I’d be flying on a United Express CRJ-700, a regional jet much like this one.

On a nearly 900-mile journey, I expected the flight to be a little rough in this small 66-seater by Bombardier. It was directly the contrary.

First of all, the baggage on this flight was stowed in the rear of the fuselage, so that meant that people in the back rows needed to move up front to evenly distribute the weight: “any seat up to row 3,” was the instruction, which luckily for me (who was near the back) included the Economy Plus seats. Hello five extra inches of leg room!

The flight itself, however, was not only not choppy, but it was the smoothest flight I believe I’ve ever taken. The plane handled beautifully, and nimbly; yes, it’s small, but it’s much like comparing a sedan (A319 or 757-200, the other two aircraft on which I flew) to a sports coupe (CRJ-700, above), the handling is incredibly more fine-grained. I imagine the flight would not have been quite so pleasant in the opposite direction, against the jetstream, but it successfully abolished my prejudices, and I will now embrace flying a CRJ-700 whenever I’m given the opportunity.

So What About United Airlines?

My opinions on United Airlines after this trip are mixed, and after conversing with other frequent travelers on United, can be summarized primarily as follows: I abhor the administrative aspects of United, but adore the actual flights.

They cancelled my flight (apparently common), landed in the wrong terminal (apparently unsurprising), and charge an arm and a leg if you want to eat on the plane. However, wheels up to wheels down, the flights were smooth, comfortable, and professionally-handled; the flight attendants were all incredibly friendly and helpful; and every single flight landed at least a minute or two early, the last of which landed a full 15 minutes ahead of schedule.

The landings in particular were consistently smooth, and were only beaten in my experience by the landing of a Southwest flight I took about 6 years ago: the plane touched down, and a flight attendant clicked on and said “Let’s all have a round of applause for our pilot, who just landed this plane like a butterfly with sore feet!” It wasn’t an exaggeration, either, and the resounding applause was much deserved. But I digress.

Given a choice, I’d still much prefer to fly Southwest or Virgin America. However, for the price, the service was good enough that I would definitely consider flying United again, so long as I didn’t need to make a meeting on time. The only thing to bear in mind is that, if you’re making connections, you’d better be prepared to hear “Rhapsody in Blue” a good few times.

Epilogue

I was devastatingly exhausted after the trip, but proceeded from the airport to an office Christmas party for RIASP, and then from there to Mohegan Sun for the Boston Pops concert. Before the concert, though, we dined at “MJ’s Steakhouse,” and since I never pass up an opportunity to describe a delicious meal…

Our appetizer consisted of a dish shared between the pricier “Steakhouse” and the adjoining “Sportcafe,” thick garlic focaccia in a blue cheese fondue: incredible as always. For dinner, I ordered “MJ’s Delmonico,” a decision which quite frankly proved to yield the best steak of my life. The dish was an aged 14oz Delmonico steak, served with a balsamic-ginger jus (which totally made the dish) and a skewer of different types of mushrooms. On the side, we ordered and split lobster mashed potatoes, which were both unique and very flavorful. Overall, it was an incredible meal, but with entrees averaging about $40, it certainly won’t be a regular occurrence.